2 Tips for Healthy Fighting in Your Relationship
Relationships are never perfect. Even the most perfectly matched soulmates have disagreements occasionally. But your arguments do not have to end in slammed doors, the silent treatment, or uncontrollable sobbing. Instead, most altercations offer your relationship the opportunity for growth. Our experts offer the following tips for healthy fighting that builds respect, compromise, and open communication.
Have tactics ready for defusing arguments because conflict will happen
You and your partner can be the most supportive people in each other’s lives, but you are still unique people with different experiences and histories. There will likely be a point when you want different things. Some level of conflict is unavoidable, and it is essential to learn to embrace your differences and learn to thrive during disagreements.
Without healthy expectations of conflict, unexpected arguments can force unnecessary fear about your relationship, leading to blame, shame, and other ego-defense strategies that are unhealthy and destructive. So the next time you and your partner find yourselves in a heated disagreement, focus on finding an immediate resolution and keeping cool. Here are some strategies to try:
- Laugh together: When you love each other, you share connections that only you understand. See if you can defuse the situation with an inside joke or funny story.
- Use constructive 'I' statements like, "I know you are expressing something that matters to you, so I want to listen attentively, which will be more successful when I am not so exhausted.”
- Be compassionate with one another: “We are both stressed…and we both deserve some space and time to address this constructively.”
Address issues that bother you immediately
In romantic relationships, it can be natural to let little things slide. This makes sense sometimes, like when your partner eats the last piece of chocolate without offering it to you. It might be a little annoying, but it is not worth fighting about.
But if you notice things your partner does that consistently bother you, it can be healthy to discuss them, even when they seem minor. For example, if your partner eats the last piece of chocolate once or twice, maybe you let it go, but if they always do it, you may begin having feelings that reach beyond the situation at hand. For example, perhaps you think your desires do not matter to them, you are unworthy of love, or they are disrespectful of your needs.
To have concise, clear communication in your relationship, you need to discuss things as soon as they come up. It is essential to be vulnerable with one another to keep your union healthy and robust. So, the next time you have a feeling about something your partner does, consider addressing it. That may mean saying something like, “I don’t really know why, but it does not feel good when [XYZ] happens.” This practice can also help you trust your intuition in other life situations.
