Things to Consider Before Getting Back with Your Ex
When couples break up, it is usually inevitable that one or both parties will entertain the thought of getting back together. After your breakup, it's often easy for you to reflect on the failed relationship sentimentally, recalling the good times you had and overlooking the problems that led you to break up in the first place. Many couples often attempt a brief reconciliation, but it usually does not work out, so they break up again.
While there may be some appeal to the notion of getting back together, and while it may work for some people, for many couples, a reunion will only lead to the same problems that contributed to the breakup—unless each person has done ample work to develop new relationship and interpersonal aptitudes or manage other challenges that forced their separation. If this individual work has not occurred, the chances are not in favor of a couple reuniting and building a healthy and strong relationship.
Therefore, as much as you may miss your ex and as attractive as it may be to get back together with them, it might be better to tread carefully when taking this path. It is usually a good idea to examine the motivations behind rekindling the relationship and ensure that if you really want to get back together, it's for the right reasons.
Our experts on in-home marriage therapy in Orlando offer these common wrong reasons individuals get back together with an ex and warning signs that trying to rebuild your relationship may not be a good idea for you right now. You should consider these carefully before rekindling your romance with your ex-partner.
Breaking up and getting back together is a pattern.
Some couples develop unhealthy patterns of growing incredibly close, being overwhelmed by intimacy, and then sabotaging the connection to ease up and get needed space. As a result, the partners may feel the intensity of their relationship is suffocating or that they lose themselves in the partnership and withdraw emotionally, cheat, or create other problems to end the relationship and take time to heal. Then, attracted by the intimacy, they run back to the relationship and repeat this cycle constantly.
In connections like this, one or both partners often feel emotionally abused, indicating it might be time to end the relationship and get professional support from a therapist to understand the attraction to this pattern better.
You get back together for sex.
It is normal to feel alone and emotionally weak after a breakup. The bond acquired from sexual intimacy can be a potent elixir to this empty emotion, and the individual it feels most comfortable having sex with is the one you broke up with. However, this kind of reconnection can diminish the significance of intimacy and emotional bonds. Though it may feel good at the moment, it does not address the root issues encountered before the breakup. If you are mostly trying to rekindle a relationship because of sex, consider this a warning sign and halt the process.
You miss the good times.
Sentimentality can embellish our idea of the past, and we may be quite blinded by our rose-colored glasses when thinking of an ex. Remember, there was a cause (or more than one cause) for ending the relationship. It's essential to consider those reasons. Whether you struggled to communicate well, had dissimilar intimacy needs, or were bored with the relationship, it was a grave enough concern for one or both of you to decide to end things.
Don't allow your longing for the joyful moments you shared to overpower the misery of your difficulties. Instead, take time to assess the true reasons for breaking up, remembering that unless you and your ex can establish a new style of relating (which may be feasible, especially with the assistance of a relationship counselor), things likely won't be much different if you attempt to get back together.
